That’s what the title of the film White Christmas, the first film released in VistaVision, would’ve been called if it had focused on Barrie Chase’s character, Doris Lenz.
We first see Doris, a chorus girl, primping in the mirror. Ah primping, I used to do that so much when I
was little that my babysitter called me “Goosey,” after her goose of that name who would
excessively admire her own reflection.
Here's what follows shortly after:
Phil: You know Doris, a friend of Rita’s.
Bob: Another one, huh? How do you do?
Doris: Mutual, I’m
sure.
A nasally voiced non-sequitur, followed by demure drinking
of coffee—what a perfect response.
I also love how she gets mad and isn’t afraid to show it when Bob brushes her off. And boy howdy does she show it! "Not even a 'kiss my foot' or 'have an apple!'"
At this point the camera should’ve stayed put on Doris and
Rita, but no, the next scene is the boys bickering in their dressing room. They both take off their pants, but you don’t
see anything, thank goodness, because they’re totally not hot. So it’s super weird that Bing Crosby’s character
should be so damn picky, a pickiness most evident in this dialogue:
Bob: You don’t expect me to get serious with the
kind of characters you and Rita have been
throwing at me?
Phil: Well there’s been some nice girls too.
Bob: Oh yeah, yeah, like that nuclear scientist
we just met out in the hall?
Phil: Alright they didn’t go to college, they
didn’t go to Smith.
Bob: Go to Smith? She couldn’t even spell it...
[Emotional music]…the kind of girls you
and
I meet in this business, they’re young, and they’re ambitious, they’re
full of their own careers. They’re not
interested in getting married, settling down and raising a family.
I guess this film is one of those “alternative tellings”
like Wicked, where the story really
should have been about Doris, but instead they tell the tale from the perspective of
the bad person who we normally would hate. Bing Crosby's character shows no interest in Doris, he brushes her off, implies that she is dumb, and
criticizes “girls” [women are women, not girls] like her who are ambitious in
their careers. Clearly he’s a dastardly villain.
As Phil and Bob go to watch a floor show, Phil astutely comments,
“We could’ve been out with Doris and Rita having some laughs.” To which Bob curmudgeoningly
replies, “When are you going to learn that girls like that are a dime a dozen.” The movie was produced in 1954, when being a
young woman named Doris would’ve been super fashionable and common, and perhaps
Dorises were cheaper back then, given their quantity and the low cost of living. But that's obviously not what Bob means. It's a shame he fails to see how unique and valuable Doris is.
Not long after, the boys see the Haynes sisters dancing and
singing, and both Phil and Bob are smitten. That’s when the film becomes intensely boring. There’s awkward flirting with occasional bursting
into song. Musicals, what can you do. I can’t imagine flirting with a guy and then
out of nowhere he starts singing. It
sounds like a Saturday Night Live sketch. There’s also a general who likes to watch
people kissing, which is totally creepy.
Doris and Rita lucked the frick out.
We fortunately see Doris again at a party at the inn up in Vermont. She
is sitting on the floor, drinking, chatting away with people. She is completely carefree and void of social
structures that hinder so many others—who says you have to sit on a chair or a sofa?! Furthermore, she doesn't seem to harbor ill feelings toward Bob/Bing Crosby for being such a rude jerk face. It doesn’t look like she came with
Rita—chances are she came with the rest of the performers for the show—but I’d
like to believe that she didn’t have to, and instead was like: ‘Party in Vermont? Sure! Being in Florida isn’t a problem, let’s
head on up!’
To think, VistaVision’s virginity wasted so much time not
filming Doris. I’d rather see a film about her and her holiday escapades; I’m sure she had way more fun and would put everyone in a most joyful holiday spirit. Instead, it focuses on
two former war buddies who dance and sing, fall in love with two sisters who also dance and sing, and meet up with their
former general who now operates an inn in (eventually) snowy Vermont. The ease at which war,
one of the most violent phenomena in the world, is intertwined with Christmas,
one of the most peaceful, is somewhat disturbing. I guess 1950s America was an odd time and needed to reconcile and heal from a whole bunch of atrocities. It's almost as if focusing a whole film on Doris would've been too much fun too soon. Still, I'd much prefer to watch Doris and the rollicking world she lives in.
Fun fact: Vera-Ellen,
who played Judy Haynes, studied dance with Doris Day in Ohio when she was young
Sad fact: Vera-Ellen
suffered from anorexia, so if you were watching the film and found yourself impressed by her slender waist and legs, well…
Gross fact: Bing
Crosby was 23 years older than Rosemary Clooney, who played his love interest, Betty Haynes. Barf.
But Doris Lenz wouldn't dwell too long on these things, she'd go on and party. Here’s a fun mash up I came across to get you groovin’ on
your holiday season:
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